I’m still having those thoughts. Shocking. It’s not going to get better. Apparently, it could be biological. I have all the reasons in the world to feel this way; my CF, my mom is dead, school sucks, etc etc. When I feel sad or have thoughts of ending it I don’t think of any of those things. I could be walking around campus and the thoughts creep up on me. Maybe it is biological, my genetics are fucked anyways so it wouldn’t surprise me. My therapist suggested medication. I don’t like that idea, but maybe it’s necessary. On top of all of this, me and my relationship problems aren’t getting better. I thought we were supposed to be a team, but it’s clear we’re not. He wants to go back home every weekend and I don’t. It stresses me out and I don’t need it. He doesn’t even ask me if I want to go home he just says he’s going and asks if I’m coming with him or not. Either way is a lose-lose situation for me. I go home and stress myself out or I stay in my apartment alone. Alone with my thoughts. My thoughts that consist of taking a handful of pills or taking my car and wrecking it into a tree, praying that will do the trick. I often daydreaming about jumping off a cliff or my funeral. I feel insane. Like I’m losing myself, my mind. I don’t know what to do anymore, about anything.